Leave Me Alone! I'm on a Date!
by axelDANGERfrankenstein
Summary: Guren and Gen start dating and are too busy being lovey-dovey to fight Vilius. Has swearing, suggestive themes, and no one is in character.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Tenkai Knights!**

**Also, this story has yaoi (gay dudes) If you don't like it, don't read it!**

Gen was listening to Paramore and cutting himself, because he was just so gosh darn emo. Then Guren walked in and gasped. "Gen! What are you doing?!"

"Nothing. Go away."

"But you're bleeding! Dammit Gen, were you cutting yourself again!?"

"LIFE IS PAIN!"

"No it's not! Stop being so effing emo!"

"WHY SHOULD I?"

"Because I love you."

Guren yanked the razorblade out of Gen's hand and threw it across the room with one hand, while the other hand grabbed his emo friend's face and pulled it to his own. He brought their lips together and put his tongue in Gen's mouth. He started to remove his pants. Gen, who shall henceforth be called Sasuke because they're both emo and played by the same guy, pushed Guren off of him and said "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Let's have sex!"

"Wha...no way, you slut! We've been going out for like five seconds! At least buy me a steak and take me to a movie first!"

"Does it have to be a steak? I spent all my money on the cameras I put in y- *cough* xbox games. I bought xbox games and absolutely nothing else, and I'm certainly not spying on you because that would be creepy even though it's because I love you."

"Um...okay, let's get taco bell and pretend you didn't just say that."

"Then we can have sex?"

"...Fine."

Later that day, Guren stared lovingly (and kind of creepily) into SasuGen's eyes while the other boy ate his Dorito taco. His brick started glowing, but he decided to let the other knights handle it. He was too busy eating cheap tacos with the love of his life. When they were done with their tacos that were mostly sand with a little bit of unfortunate factory worker meat, they went to Sasuke's house and started watching his favorite movie, The Nightmare Before Christmas. A few minutes after the movie started, Blondeguy called Guren on his wrist thingy to ask him where the hell he was.

"Leave me alone! I'm on a date!"

"Holy shit, really?! Who with?"

"Gen!"

"It's about time!" He turned to Ceylan and Taco and excitedly told them what was going on. Taco, who was Blondo's boyfriend, was surprised because he shipped Guren/Ceylan, and Ceylan felt his heart break into a million little pieces.

Blondie turned back to his phone?watch? and said "Okay, you guys had better get down here though. Shit's going down on Quarton."

"No, we're gonna watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and then we're gonna have sex! You guys can handle it without me!"

"No we can't, you're our red ranger! What kind of team doesn't have a red ranger?!"

"You guys, that's who." Guren snapped and hung up. He unpaused the movie and snuggled up to Gen, who was emo-ly singing along to the fun halloween song.

Ceylan nervously asked Blonda if Guren was coming. He wasn't sure if he wanted him to come or not. It would be too painful, knowing he was dating someone else, but they did need their red ranger. Then Blondecai said "Nope, apparently he and Gen are too busy watching Tim Burton movies and having sex to save the world." and Ceylan's tiny heart bits broke into even tinier bits, which were then eaten and pooped out, and a grenade was thrown at the turd.

**Author's note: Yeah, I'm probably too old to watch this show. I found it while I was flipping through channels and kept watching because one of the characters sounded like MAI WAIFU, Vash (and also mai ****_other_**** waifu, Ichigo) and ended up watching a bunch of episodes and decided every character on this kids show was secretly gay and wrote fanfiction about it.**

**Also, taco bell is awesome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Tenka****i Knights!**

**...Or do I?**

**(I don't)  
**

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Tributon, Lydendor, and Valorn were getting their asses kicked by the corrupted. _Dammit Guren and Gen, you better stop being dumb horny teenagers and come rescue us soon_, Blondie thought before Vilius kicked him square in the nuts. Then the evil, yet adorable tenkai dude tried to hit Tributon in the face. The latter dodged and ran away, only to realize he had run into a dead end! Valorn and Gay-rainbow-guy were surrounded, and Lydendor was still lying on the ground, writhing in pain from the blow to his man parts. He was screwed. Vilius caught up to him. "I HAVE YOU NOW, TRIBUTON! PREPARE YOUR ANUS!" he declaimed evilly as he unsheathed his huge, black, blocky baloney pony.

Ceylan cowered in fear at the sight of Vilius' rod of lordly might. The hard, black plastic glittered in the sunlight like obsidian in candlelight. There was no way he would have sex with an evil robot thing with a giant, terrifying one-eyed wonder worm. And yet, he found him strangely attractive, because power is sexy. He bent over and presented his love slot. "My body is ready!"

"Damn right it is!" Vilius laughed evilly as he inserted his spunk trumpet into Tributon's fudge factory and took his virginity while Venetta watched.

A few minutes later, they all went back to their evil lair and took Tributon with them because his corn hole pleased their master.

"Oh, shit, dude, they kidnapped Ceylan! Like princess peach! I like video games!"

"Stop making awful video game references, you annoying sex bomb, we have to rescue Ceylan!"

"I used to not constantly talk about video games, then I took an arrow to-" Lydendor punched him in the mouth, and they followed the guys.

Meanwhile on Earth, as soon as the credits started rolling, Guren excitedly jumped onto Gen and started making out with him. He struggled to pull his pants down over his throbbing gristle, then he proceeded to undress Sasuke. Then they rubbed their genitals on each other for about six minutes. Afterwards, Guren put his pants back on and ventured downstairs to make Gen a sandwich.

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**Thanks for reading! Chapter 3 will be up sometime in the near future, unless I don't feel like writing chapter 3 in the near future, or I die or something.**


	3. Chapter 3

**That took a while! Sorry! While I was gone I BOUGHT TENKAI KNIGHTS AND NOW I OWN IT JK no I don't PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!**

**Since it's been a couple months, a recap:**

**Guren and Gen watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and rubbed their genitals on each other, then Guren went to make Gen a sandwich. Meanwhile, Vilius made Ceylan his bitch (and Beni watched), and Taco and Chooki went to Vilius's evil lair to free their friend from sexy bondage.**

**Also, I've decided the soundtrack for this fic is "Legs" by PJ Harvey for the Guren/Gen parts, "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke for Vilius, and "Magnet" by Megurine Luka and Hatsune Miku for the Beni/Wakame. This author note is getting too long. Okay I'll stop now.**

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Beni was sitting in a diner and feeling lonely because seeing Vilius sex Tributon earlier reminded her that she had no one to love. Also she was a lesbian. Then the waitress brought her her drink. It was...Taco's hot sister!

"Here's your coffee...sexy," Taco's hot sister said flirtily.

Beni was surprised. Was her cute waitress ALSO a lonely lesbian looking for love? OF COURSE SHE WAS! "Thanks...we should have sex."

"Okay, my shift ends at six."

"Well that was easy."

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**At six…**

Beni waited outside the diner. She had changed into a sexy red dress and stiletto heels. I don't mean she was wearing a dress and heels, she had actually CHANGED INTO a red dress and heels. She also had a double sided dildo and lube flavored lube in her purse, only her purse wasn't that big so half the dildo was sticking out the top.

Taco's hot LESBIAN sister clocked out, then took her clothes off and went outside. "Hi beautiful. Were you waiting long?"

"Not really. Let's go to my place." They got on the bus to go to Beni's apartment.

"By the way you look really cute I like your shoes."

"Thanks, you too, I like your boobies."

"Thanks. Are you cold? I'm kind of cold."

"No. It's probably just because you're naked."

"Yeah. Probably should've waited til we got there to undress. Didn't think that one through."

They got off the bus and went into Beni's place. She had a bed. They had sex on it.

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**Meanwhile at the legion of doom**

Gen was about to fall asleep when he heard a loud scream coming from the kitchen. He quickly got dressed and ran downstairs. His mom was lying on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood.

He yelled "Mommy!" and ran to her side, but she was dead. Guren was standing over her body, also covered in blood, holding a steak knife and laughing evilly.

"Now noone can get between us my love!"

"WHAT?!"

"Let's have sex AGAIN!"

"Wha-I'm not gonna have sex with you you fucking psycho YOU JUST MURDERED MY MOM! Now who will make me cupcakes and sing me lullabies?" He hugged her corpse and started sobbing. Guren whipped out his dooflocky and started fapping using her blood as lube.

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**I could've made that irrelevant lesbian sex scene more detailed, but then I didn't. Sorry.**


	4. Chapter 4

**No soy dueno Tenkai Knights!**

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Lydendor and Valorn plowed through the wall of guards into the evil pleasure dungeon. There, Vilius sat upon the Orgy Throne, a great mass of naked bodies entwined in passionate lovemaking, for he was the dark lord of all things lustful and decadent. He sipped scotch mixed with cobra venom and semen from a florid goblet wrought from the bones of the innocent in the underground forges of Feliu by Livianus, son of Bonifatius, who imbued it with his madness before pickling himself to death. He was consumed by Gwythyr, who begat the goatman Amatus, who terrorized the people of Masovia for sixty long years, until his defeat at the hands of Anxo. Tributon was between his legs, pleasing his master's fuck ferret.

"Ceylan! We're here to rescue your ass! Literally!" Lydendor divulged.

"My ass doesn't need rescue! Vilius is the great lord of the orgy throne and I want to spend my entire life pleasing my master's mayonnaise revolver because power is sexy!"

"Everything you just said was complete nonsense! What is a mayonnaise revolver just say penis dammit!"

"Come on Ceylan, you need therapy," Taco added, "and by that I mean you need to play Psychonauts, because therapists cost money and i already have a copy of Psychonauts."

Vilius suddenly threw the goblet at Valorn's face and said "THIS CONVERSATION BORES ME! I SHALL RAPE EVERYONE!"

Taco and teh blonde went "NOOOO!" at the same time.

Vilius had that one guy and other guy hold the two of them down and thrust his love truncheon into Valorn's stink tube while his boyfriend was forced to watch.

"No! Stop raping me!" shrieked Taco.

"Stop raping him!" Blonda implored, but he couldn't do anything else becase he was being held down by other guy.

"NO I'M GONNA KEEP RAPING HIM!"

"Ow my stinktube! WHY!"

"I implore you to reconsider!" blodita implored again.

"OK."

"Well that was easy."

"HA HA HA NOT REALLY! I'M GOING TO RAPE ALL OF YOU!" He gestured toward all the minions surrounding the orgy throne. "EVERYBODY LINE UP I'M GONNA RAPE YOU!"

"OH GOD HE'S STILL RAPING ME AND IT HURTS!"

The minions cheered and lined up against the wall with their butts out so their master could have their way with them like he did every thursday and monday and on all eight days of hanukkah. "Rape me first master!" Ceylan begged like a bitch. "I long for your mighty phallus!"

Vilius slapped him in the face. "YOU'LL GET YOUR TURN BITCH! EVERYBODY'S BOSCO BOULEVARD SHALL BE RAPED!" He removed his front butt from Taco's badonkadonk and started raping that one guy.

"Master, what should I do?" asked the other guy, who still had Lydendor in half nelson.

"I WILL RAPE HIM LAST! GO PUT HIM ON THE TREE OF WOE SO HE CAN CONTEMPLATE AND THEN GET IN THE RAPE LINE! EVIL LAUGH!"

Then the other guy started dragging a screaming blondie out to the tree of woe. "No! Don't rape me! What does condomplate mean? What did you do to Ceylan's brain you sick bastard?! HOW DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH STAMINA TO RAPE THIS MANY PEOPLE IN A ROW?!"

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**A/N I know what you're thinking, but it's actually safe to drink cobra venom as long as you don't have open wounds in your mouth or organs, it will pass safely through you without getting into your bloodstream and also make you feel like you're an awesome supervillain! There's a restaurant in Vietnam where you can drink the venom and eat the cobra's STILL BEATING HEART! The reason Vilius wants to take over Earth is so he can take over Vietnam and eat cobras and have sex with little asian boys. **


	5. Chapter 5

**THE DISCLAIMER IS POINTLESS WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!**

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Guren and Gen were walking down the street , the former was grinning and humming happy song from the movie, and the latter looked more sad and emo than ever. They were holding hands and they were both covered in blood and duck butter and people stared at them. They arrived at Guren's house. His cat was having gay sex with another cat because cats can totally be gay look it up.

When they were done watching cats buttfuck each other they went inside house and up to Guren's room. The walls were all covered in pictures of Gen, most of which appeared to have been taken without his knowledge. Some of them were of him in shower or changing clothes. There were also pictures of his mom and of Beni that had stuff like "Whore" and "stay away from my man bitch" scribbled on them and darts thrown at them. Alos there was a dead fat guy in the corner.

'Holy crapballs this room is terryfing' Sasuke thought while peeing himself a little.

"Yay now we can have sex in MY bedroom!" Guren said with the excitement.

"I don't know...this room's kinda...not a huge turn-on."

"Really? What don't you like about it?"

"You know...the pictures and the, uh darts, and the...fat guy... Yeah, let's not have sex in here."

Then Guren started tearing up his bedroom with an hatchet so SAsuke would love him. Gen was even more freaked out and started to leave but then Guren's daddy came home from work. He gasped when he saw the emo boy.

"Gen?!"

"...Daddy?! What are you doing here?!"

"Oh yeah, you guys haven't seen each other in forever. You and Guren are actually evil twins but we got divorced when you were little kids because your mom was my beard but then I come out of the closet so we got divorced and youse never saw each other also mom was a transvestite. Also I've been lying about my job, Guren. I'm actually a gay porn star. You're old enough to know now."

Guren and Gen both gasped at the shocking twist. They were actually brothers all along! Incestuous brothers! And their dad was in gay porn! But now the family was all reunited except for mom because Guren stabbed her 17 times with a steak knife.

Then Gen ran up to his daddy and they hugged! Then Guren came up to them and it was a group hug! But then he stabbed dad in the stomach with the hatchet.

"MY son...you've killed me! Why did you kill me?!"

"I'm the only person Gen needs! We had sex earlier!"

"No! We're WHITE TRASH! Except that we're Japanese! But our last name sounds Englisha nd we're speaking English, and your hair is an unnatural shade of red! I DON"T KNOW WHAT RACE WE ARE SON!"

Then Guren buried the hhatchet in his head so he would die faster and Gen freaked out.

"What have you done?! You killed our daddy! Now who will play catch with me and, like, sit in an armchair and smoke a pipe and give me advice?!" and he started sobbing again. Then Guren pulled out his euphemism and held Gen down and took his clothes off and raped him using their dad's blood as lube.

Outside, evil robots filled the sky. Vilius, having easily conquered all of Quarton with three of the Tenkai Knights as his butt slaves, was now taking over the Earth. Nobody could stand up to his great wang except maybe Guren, but he was too crazy now and all he cared about was getting freaky with Gen and stabing people. Before long, Earth, too, was under Vilius's evil control, and he raped everyone and ate cobra hearts.

The end…?

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**A/N Someone on internet had theory that Gen is Guren's long lost evil twin so I threw that in because it made it even more fun. ****I'm at school right now and supposed to be typing something about the canterbury tales or something but I did this instead! The guys next to me are playing STARWHAL!**

**Thanks for reading! Toodles!**


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